Maybe not everyone is going to have the kind of moment that I had where you realize what is holding you back in life and how to fix it. Somebody I did not even know had to tell me. (See previous post in this series).
I am not sure that I would have figured it out on my own, and I'm pretty sure I would not have recognized this opportunity at any time prior in my life. I spent most of my adult life wanting to be where I am right now in my career. It has been a very long wait. Each day I wake up wanting to go further. I am certainly not done yet. But the desire for what I have now in terms of being a working artist has been there.
So I wanted this. Great. That's all good. But most of us know that wanting something is not enough. "You gotta work for it." Right. We all know that too.
Around June '07, I continued trying to build my Etsy store, saying to myself, "I think this could work." And as the months continued to go by without taking on contract work, my mindset gradually changed to, "This is working..." until finally, in August '07, one day as I was packing orders, I thought to myself, "This is what I do now."
That's a good feeling, and not as scary as one might think. And reaching that point really felt like it opened some doors for good things to come my way. By saying, "This is what I do now," I feel like I committed to getting what I wanted. Within days of saying it that first time, some of the biggest developments in my artistic career began to fall into place. I truly believe that I was not going to get what I wanted until I committed to getting it. Visual art was not going to be my full-time job unless I was willing to spend my day's filling stay-flat mailers, spending a hefty chunk on listing and transaction fees, etc. I could not be timid about it, I could not just dip a toe in the waters. I said before I dove/fell in, and that is true.
So...why wait 29 years? I guess I did not know any better. I guess I thought that I was supposed to be doing other things. I know for sure it's because I had not yet committed to getting what it was I wanted.