Found: A parable. A very simplified, perhaps cheesy parable, but a parable.

Something to keep in mind. And after that?

http://tenna10.googlepages.com/newstoamuse

Can't seem to get anything done! Is this why?

Interesting article about how we might keep ourselves from getting things done.

I definitely agree that often times we need to just find what we enjoy about doing a task and concentrate on that. And if we can't do that we just have to accept that we need to do a task, and find joy in getting it done.

Found: welivenow.org

Some good ideas for this morning.

Image: weliveorg.org

It's Tuesday, what's new in music?

Every Tuesday, I hope I am gonna find some new music to excite me. Haven't seen a lot new stuff here at the end/beginning of the year, so I am holding it together for the upcoming release of a few albums.

Looks like next Tuesday, Jan. 12th will bring the release of Contra, by Vampire Weekend. VW is a band that sneaked up on me, as many bands seem to be doing these days. I would listen to a track here and there, without really getting hooked, then one day I find myself listening to them non-stop.

Here's a look at the first video/single, Cousins.

Also looking forward to the new Spoon album on Jan. 19th.

Whilst sitting in a heat-less darkened movie theater

Over the holidays my wife says, "Let's take the kids to a movie." Turns out we missed the Fantastic Mr. Fox run. And the Christmas Carol run. So Alvin and Chipmunks: the Squeakquel was chosen.

The heat wasn't working in many of the theaters that day, so we got in on the senior citizen discount. It wasn't so much that it was cold, as it was that the heater continued to blow cold air.

My younger kids loved the movie, and I kept telling myself I was doing it for the kids. I was struggling not to post some snarky facebook status when my wife gasped and grabbed my arm.

"What?!" I said, turning to her.

"Your picture," she said. I looked back at the screen but it was gone. Turns out my Lunar Lander poster that Land of Nod carries was on the wall of the chipmunks bedroom. And I missed it. Guess I know one person who will be buying that DVD. Hopefully moviegoers will be paying better attention than I did.

The lesson? You are always where you are supposed to be. Even if it seems you would be happier elsewhere.

See a gallery of additional images from the film at reelmovienews.com

Treasury Thanks!

Thanks to EWMcCall for including me in a fiery love treasury!

Found: Secret Fun Spot

Of course I love this. Why wouldn't I? Chock full of old graphic design, kitschy stuff and such.

http://www.secretfunspot.com/

I'm bringing waving back...

Close Hand in to Fist, © 2009 John W. Golden

I have always had a love/hate relationship with the handshake. I often get beat to the grasp. I get my fingers out there, just enough to have the other person clamp down on them and leave most of my palm free. I almost feel as if I should curtsy.

On the other hand, I am quick to extend my hand to strangers and introduce myself with a handshake. I can't bear the awkwardness when meeting someone new in a group setting, and your friend, who knows this new person, doesn't introduce you. So, I usually pre-empt that with an introduction. Then I read to beware of people like that. Can't remember why, but you are supposed to be wary of a person who extends his hand first. So, no more handshakes, I guess. Since neither of us can extend a hand first. Whether or not to extend your hand is the new 4-way stop. You go, no you go. Did you see that guy? It wasn't his turn. He just went.

By the same token, I'm not cool enough to Fist Bump. I just cannot pull it off. And I have bony knuckles. And I don't run with a fist-bumping crowd, whoever that is.

So, when I was adding some new pieces to my film can collage series, I pulled up my original film can illustration I did for The 3 Aspects of a Good Handshake (done years ago). I was reminded of how much I felt like that particular image and title was the most education film-like. When I start the can illustration, I know a film title, but I don't have any idea what the text over it will say, much less what it will refer to. That part comes to me as I create the textured version. Sometimes I have to think about it a while before an idea comes to mind.

When I created this particular film can illo, the fist bump did not exist. But now it seems tailor-made to contrast with modern day the era in which films were made to educate and refine us. This is, in it's own way, the essence of the film can series. Contrasting now with then.

I'm neither celebrating the handshake (See aforementioned personal issues with handshakes), nor dismissing the fist bump. I think I may be asking for a third option.

Treasury Shout Out - Jan. 4, 2010

Thanks to the following folks who have included me in their treasuries:

Itsalljustmenagerie included my No Monsters Allowed Print in a Bright New Start treasury.

Nauli included my Vespa No. 1 in a Warm Reds treasury.

Happy New Year! Now let's make with the Valentine's stuff...

Sweetie Pie Conversation Heart Mini-Triptych ©2009 John W. Golden

Time for another year of this making a living from my art! I know I am very fortunate to be deriving any income from my art right now, much less all of it. It has been a new experience doing this during a down economy. Fortunately for me, people have continued to support my efforts, and I am extremely thankful for that.

I researched quite a bit this year. Mostly about the business of being a business by reading books that on the surface seemed to be very pop-culture, but actually contained a lot of business theory. One book was about holidays, and how the retail calendar is driven by holidays. To some extent, all retail businesses adhere to this calendar.

For some of us, it is merely a big push during the Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa season. I do a couple holiday pushes a year, mostly Valentine's and the December holidays, and it helps to even out the ups and downs of the retail calendar. Others take every opportunity to use holidays to drive sales. Once you are a business, you don't always have the luxury of not making the most of every opportunity to sustain your business. In some cases, if you don't promote to a holiday, it's like closing up shop for a while, as other businesses that do follow the holiday marketing calendar attract consumers, and your business just catches the occasional passer-by. Keeping this in mind makes it easier for me to not be so offended by the rapid transition to the next holiday retail displays.

The sales of the last quarter of the year can generate a lot of momentum for a merchant, and I often hear of proprietors who make most of their income on the days leading up to Christmas. Then the tumbleweeds start to blow by in January. As a business owner, it seems a shame to let any steam you have gathered just dissipate.

Now, I'm not talking about the big retailers like Target and Wal-mart. They always seem to have something that people need. But they also have to compete for holiday dollars. In this economy especially, they have to get those Christmas decorations down quickly and get the hearts and cupids up right away. It's about maximizing the opportunity for sales during a given period of time. It may look like greed, but they are businesses that have to stay afloat just like the rest of us. Not promoting when your competitors are promoting is not going to help one stay afloat.

People say it starts around Thanksgiving, but really it happens all year long. "It's disgusting!", we say. "Every year they start earlier and earlier." Christmas Creep, it's called, but it could just as easily be Cupid Creep, St. Patrick's Sneak, or Mother's Day... well, I can't think of one for Mother's Day. Maybe just being Mother's Day, a holiday created to generate commerce is enough. (Mom's do deserve their own day).

Point is, many businesses base their promotions on our buying patterns, and we tend to spend a lot of money during holidays. I think most people's complaints about Christmas Creep is directed more toward big retailers, the largest adherents to the holiday retail calendar. Who can blame the little guys for using whatever accepted reasons are available to encourage people to help keep their businesses alive? Especially these days? Who can blame the big guys? It would be nice to have a break from be sold to all the time. It would be nice not to have to sell all the time. Boon or bust, the competitive market is gonna creep all over you.

Found: A visual history of the credit card

This is a pretty interesting look at how the appearance of credit cards has changed over the years and the history of the credit card.

I totally forgot to add the link yesterday! http://www.thebigmoney.com/slideshow/plastic-flashback

And, did you know that there is an American Credit Card Collector's Society?

Article by Caitlin McDevitt. Image credit: creditcollectibles.com

No blogging... must sleep!

The old familiar push at the end of the year. Little sleep, lots of things to keep straight, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

It hasn't been a banner year for online art sales, but it has been good considering the state of the economy. I still get to this every day instead of digging ditches. Holiday sales are slower than years past, but to be making a living selling my art now? I count this blessing every day.

A slow economy spurred me to final get rolling on new projects, like my art blocks. I've long wanted to make my art in a format other than wall art. In the coming year, I'll get to branch out a bit into new venues with the blocks.

It took a long time for the blocks to really form into an idea. I had trouble sourcing blocks like I wanted, for one thing. Then one day, boom! There they were, in an unlikely place. I thought I was looking for single blocks that I could put my art on, but I saw these smaller, narrow blocks, and  I thought: Triptychs!

Course now that I have amassed the largest collection of small blocks on the east coast, and now that I have gotten used to the idea of probably looking strange purchasing blocks in that quantity (they are re-purposed, and for what they were originally intended, no one would buy more than a few), I see a lot of triptychs in my future.

Of course, now that I have more triptych block pieces than I know what to do with, I have stumbled on local sources for single art wall blocks in 6", 8", 10" and 12", as well as a variety of shapes for mini art blocks that sit on a shelf. Those are what I originally envisioned using, but could not find them (and I don't really have time to cut them myself).

So here I go, for more than a few years, thinking this is the idea I want to do. This is how I will do it. If only this one thing (finding a source) will happen. Then I can do it. Then life says: Interesting idea, but how 'bout you do it this way? You asked for a source, so you got a source. It may not be a source for what you wanted to do, but it's a source just the same.

Once I pursued the idea that life threw in my path, ways to do the ideas I had been lugging around for a while appeared.

Now I just need a way to explain to cashiers why I am buying so many blocks.

To the 5 Boroughs...

A few years back, I started a series called City Monikers, based on the nicknames of cities. For some reason, I included Brooklyn in that series. Being neither a nickname nor a "city" the way the other cities in the series were, it may have seemed out of place.

But, it was pretty much just the way I work. The idea was to do all 5 boroughs, and make that a subset of the Moniker series.

I have finally done that with my newest wooden block piece. I also have a version with almost no color that will be available later.

Holiday BOGO Sale time!

Time for my Annual Holiday BOGO Sale in the johnwgolden Etsy shop!

Details: But one print get one print of equal or lesser value for free. Limit 2 free prints per purchase.

Triptych Blocks, Gift Certificates, Jewelry and Mats are not eligible as free choices. However, you can purchase one of those items and get a free print of equal or lesser value.

Purchase only the print(s) you want to pay for, and then tell me your free choice in the message to seller.

Sale will end without notice.

The Holiday Madness Begins!

My Etsy shop is filling up with new items for the holidays. I have lots of new jewelry to list, and I expect to have new Mini Triptych Blocks in both johnwgolden and rovinato by the weekend.

Debating whether to do a Black Friday/Cyber Monday promotion... Have to decide soon :)

Some of the new batch of jewelry...

I spent this last week and maybe the last of our warm days here locally making a new batch of resin jewelry. I have over 300 pieces, and following this weekend's Art for the Masses show here, I will start the process of adding these to the Etsy shop.

Glass Tile Graphic Pendant & Ring Tutorial

Here's my latest how-to! For those of you looking for a jewelry making process that is more durable, but relatively non-toxic, I present my Glass Tile Graphic Jewelry. Glass tile over graphics is nothing new, but I have paired that method with a silver plated pendant tray and a silver plated flat ring. The flat ring covers the entire back of the glass tile, making it less susceptible to snapping off, and limiting exposure to moisture. Same goes for the pendant tray.

Judikins DG3 Art Gel is the adhesive that is used, and while it is water soluble, these pieces handle incidental moisture contact very well. When one of these comes out less than perfect, I have to soak the rings for about 15 minutes in water to get them to come apart. I have a pendant that has been soaking for over 24 hours, and while some of the adhesive on the side of the pendants is softened, the glass tile is still stuck fast, with no water seepage into the paper.

Enjoy!

Ringy-Dingy y'all!

After a long absence, I once again have some rings in the shop. These are a little different than the last design (more of those are in the works). They use a glass tile instead of resin, and are open on the sides.

Only 6 available, so check them out now!

Downloadable Cut-Out Black Kitty Project

A new free downloadable for ya: A Black Kitty Cat Cut-Out! More colors to follow soon.

Click here to download the PDF.

Step-by-step instructions with photos are available here.

We know it's a rule, but we know better

You know how you see some things that seem like a minor injustice? Like, say, in a crowd of people when half the crowd is following the rules and the other half is ignoring the rules and benefiting from doing so?

Do you see this sort of thing happening and imagine yourself doing something clever that turns the situation upside down? That your clever act of heroism will suddenly make disadvantaged all those who are gaining advantage by doing whatever they please?

It's not often when I leave the house that I don't see some sort of behavior that breaks rules that are there to keep things fair or safe. I'm sure I break some myself. I try really hard not to, and I try to consider how anything I do might affect those around me. It can be very frustrating as well when one is trying to do the right thing, and you are inundated with example after example of people thinking only of themselves. Just last night, as I stopped at the grocery store, I noticed a pretty good-sized sign that had been placed in the fire lane. It read: No Parking - Fire Lane.

Less than one car length past the sign, I could see the tail end of a silver Porsche. Parked in the fire lane with the driver inside. Now... they probably had to drive right past that sign to park like that. They most likely had seen the sign. But I don't know that they did. In fact, I would venture to say that someone who is that unaware as to think that they don't have to follow the same rules as the rest of us probably was not paying that much attention.

I looked at the sign. I thought, "Maybe I should drag that sign around to the front of the car and leave it there, so this guy can see it. And then he'll feel embarrassed and never park in fire lanes again." But considering the sign had about 80 lbs. of concrete at it's base, I feel pretty sure the message would have been, "I'm stupid enough to expend the energy needed to drag this heavy sign in front of you just to make a point." I have felt stupid in the past after trying to point out someone's inconsiderate behavior. They are not even considering what they are doing, much less doing it for the purpose I suspect and my behavior would be very pointedly meant to grab their attention by treated them poorly.

I really don't think that my efforts would have been all that effective. So, I just let go. Instead of putting a lot of effort into changing this person's behavior, I put much less effort into changing mine. I don't need to care about that person and what they do unless it is truly dangerous or criminal. Little I would do in that situation would be likely to change that person's behavior. All I can do is follow the rules myself. I walked on in the store, and seconds later, I had forgotten what was going on in the fire lane.

So... knowing that I tend to see little "injustices" everywhere, I try to use them as exercises to reduce that tendency.

Everyday, I take each of my children to school. This means everyday, I sit in 3 different car lines. For a while there, I think my wife had to seriously weigh the benefits of letting me drop the kids off (or pick them up). Could a few moments of peace and quite at home be worth the inevitable litany of injustices that I would bring back with me? I would find myself bringing up the car line in conversations. It was becoming a bit much.

Everyday now, I start the day with 3 chances to either get all wrapped up in what people are doing in the car lines, or 3 chances to exercise my ability to ignore people's unconscious behavior. That's something that made what folks are doing easier to stomach, the realization that most of us really are not thinking about what we are doing. We do much of what we do in our daily lives, especially that which is routine, unconsciously.

I still see the behavior, and I still struggle with some of it, but I try not to think about it beyond that notice. I am not truly ignoring it, but I don't carry it home with me. And I remind myself that it is unconscious behavior.

In the middle school car line, there is a certain entrance that the school wants us to use to enter the parking lots. They do not want us to let our kids out anywhere else than the steps in front of the school, under the watchful eye of 2 teachers stationed there to make sure the kids get in safely. You might guess that neither of these two rules is followed by at least half of the parents.

Those of us that do as the school asks spend a much longer time in the car line. There are two reasons for this: One, the kids that are let out in the street and in a second unofficial car line that has developed in another part of the parking lot have to cross through the official car line to get to school. So we get stopped a lot. Two, the cars from the impromptu unofficial car line have to be let back into the flow of traffic that is the official car line.

That's a situation that is just ripe for me to get all twisted up with what these other people are doing. But it is also my opportunity to do the opposite. Instead of grousing and such, I just remind myself that even though I don't think the impromptu car line is fair, it is necessary. The official car line can not handle the volume of kids that have to be dropped off each day. And the wait in the official car line would probably actually be longer if everyone used it. I make sure that my perspective of that other car line is, while maybe not 100% positive, it is a little less negative every day.

Then each day, just to be sure that I take this exercise to heart, I do one other thing that I never used to do. Where the two traffic lines meet. Where I would once have said to myself, "Hah! See if I let you back in!" to the drivers in the other car line. I stop my car and I wave at least one of the other drivers back into the flow of traffic. It feels better than going home and telling my wife about all that negative things I just experienced.

Cool Craftster Project: Tiny Halloween Town

I love these little houses by phizzychick! Check them out along with lots of other great projects on Craftster.org

I am awed by people's vision sometimes, and items like these take a strong vision and great skill. You can find phizzychick's work for sale at her Etsy store, www.phizzychick.etsy.com.

Using judgment for good

As an artist, especially as one with a graphic design background, judgment is a tool I use on a daily basis. So, it can be difficult to try to minimize the "bleed" of this requirement to constantly judge things in my work life. By bleed I mean how the habit or pattern of judging makes its way into my personal life.

I believe that we judge constantly. Situations are judged as good or bad, safe or dangerous, boring or exciting. People are judged the same. So it's a natural tendency we all have. I don't know if people who have to rely on judgment in the workplace have more of a tendency to judge in their personal lives, but I know that for me it is all too easy to slip into the role of judge.

Now, to be clear, I don't see myself as the judge, jury and executioner of every little thought I have about a situation or person. Not that I haven't seen myself in that role at various times of my life. I try very hard now to be conscious that I am judging things, people, places and situations. I then try to remind myself that unless I am using judgment for practical reasons (such as to make decisions at work), I need to stop judging whenever I can.

Judgment makes situations bad, people not worth knowing and your sense of self negative. It makes you less or more than other people. It makes your troubles greater, as it does the faults of others. It makes someone else's views less important or valid, and it makes you right and everyone else wrong.

Not judging allows situations and people to be what they are. An absence of judgment can make your problems manageable, and your own faults and those of others less glaring.

With judgment so ingrained in our day to day lives, it seems impossible to eliminate it. I'm not always successful in doing so. I just try to be aware that I am judging everything. I'm not always successful at that either, but I know I am judging less every time I catch myself doing it.

What I try to do when I catch myself judging situations is remind myself that it is my perception of a situation that determines how good or bad it is. When judging people, I try to turn that spotlight on myself. One can't help but notice what people do, and subsequently assign it a good or bad value. You may even say to yourself, "I would never do that." I find if I try to take what I see and then begin to judge to my own behavior and say, "I have to be more aware of myself doing that same thing", I don't follow through with judging that person or their behavior.

What brought this on? This topic? Yesterday, after my post about how hard it seems to get people to interact, I had to pick my daughter up from school. (And yes, I am aware that judgment played a part in making the observations I made in yesterday's post) I was more so than usual aware of my interactions with people. About half of the folks with whom I made eye contact, smiled and said, "Hi!". The other half were closed off. But that's not what brought this post to mind.

Gotta go further back for that.

Last year, at the end of the school year, my wife and I attended a little picnic for my daughter's class. There was a little girl there whose parent did not attend. She was seated near us. She was quiet and closed off from the rest of the group. I was right next to her, as we ate pizza, and tried to make conversation, as did my wife. She would nod responses, kind of tentatively, but she did not talk.

Later, I mentioned her to my wife, and we had both sensed a sadness in the little girl. That was our judgment. She may have been sad or not. She may just have not cared to really interact with the rest of us. Who knows. She is in my daughter's class again this year.

So, yesterday, as I walked my daughter out to our car, we followed behind that little girl and her mother. Her mother talked on her cell phone the entire time. It was a casual, personal call, not business. She walked many steps ahead of her daughter, with the only communication between the two being an occasional roll of her mother's hand to signal hurry up.

Now, of course, I'm walking along thinking just how crappy that is. But I catch myself. I don't know if this is their relationship in a nutshell. This may be the only moment that the two are not completely engaged with each other.

So, I turned the spotlight on myself. Do I do that? Do I take one of the few moments everyday that my 7-year old and I have where it's just us and waste it? I can't recall taking phone calls instead of interacting with my kids, but I suspect I have. I know that I have spent time thinking about other stuff, when I should have just been there, giving that moment my full attention.

I caught myself again. I had stopped judging that woman's behavior and used it to be more aware of my own behavior. My judgment of her behavior had led to me being more conscious in the future that I shouldn't fill the opportunities I will have to be with my kids with other things. I owe her for that.

Still, I felt bad for the little girl. With this type of interaction, how would she ever be anything but closed off to other people? How would she ever learn to just say, "Hi!"?

As both families entered our cars, the little girl turned, and while her mother went on with her conversation, the little girl gave us a little wave.

Can't you just say, "Hi?"

I find myself asking that (in my head, of course) of other people throughout the school year. It's my response to being thrown in amongst the throngs of parents shepherding their kids to class or attending PTA meetings or class picnics. Here we are, adults, having lived a couple of decades at least. We should have some experience interacting with others, right?

Those of us you that have given birth have been in what must be a far more awkward situation than having to acknowledge another person. Especially one with whom we at least have in common that our children attend the same school. You have had a group of people, some of whom you have never met before, doing all kinds of invasive things to you. You survived that. Could a simple head nod or wave be any more difficult?

One might think that who I am and what I am doing at your kid's school might be of at least passing interest to you. I certainly don't look like I'm heading to a job after dropping my kids off each morning, or like I've come from a job to pick them up. Who is this guy who could use a shave and has time to be at school at 2:30pm in the afternoon? What kind of job could he have that he gets to wear flip-flops, shorts and a t-shirt? Does he even have a kid here?

Hmmm... sounds like I want them to take an interest in me. Sure, that would be nice. It always feels good when someone seems to care about us, or finds us interesting. But really, I just want them to acknowledge the rest of us, return our waves, to give us more than a blank stare or an awkward downcast expression. I just want them to be acknowledged in return, and for us all to benefit from acknowledging each other.

I try to be a happy person, and it often seems that these non-communicative types are deeply unhappy. I try to keep that in mind when I am making all these little judgments in my head about why so many of the parents don't seem to know that there are others of us there. They have a lot on their plates, they are thinking about work, or the disagreement they just had with their husband or wife. Maybe each of us has a limited capacity for being friendly with everything else we have going on. Maybe we have so many people that need things from us that we just don't have anything left for the folks that just happen to travel in the same circles as us.

Okay, so that's a reason for people ignoring each other. Just don't have it in me. Only so much to go around.

The thing is, it really doesn't take much to wave, or nod, or even smile and say "Hi!". And it's amazing what you can get back. For one thing, it spreads a positive feeling of being connected instead of furthering the isolation that I think some people feel. Being acknowledged feels good, and acknowledging someone else feels good, too. For folks like me, who are constantly creating in their heads, imagining people's backstories, the nod each morning can lead to a "Hi!" each morning to eventual conversations. These usually prove my imagined backstory extremely inaccurate. This reminds me that I don't know everything, and makes me less likely to judge people and situations the next time.

Those conversations lead to the exchange of experiences, to a commonality and collective-ness. That feels good. It gives one perspective on one's own life to hear about the lives of others. It brings you into the moment. It gives you another purpose to be there that goes beyond the routine of your day. Maybe you are meant to find out that someone else is going through difficulties that make yours seem insignificant. Maybe you are meant to do the same for someone else. Maybe you will be lucky enough to share with others, or to make someone learn that you can't judge a book by it's cover.

That is an awful lot in return for just saying "Hi!".

Downloadable Cut-Out Owl Project...

Something new we are trying 'round here is free printable download projects. On a regular basis I will post little illustrations that you can download, print, cut out and paste up. These make great projects for kids and grown-ups, too. You can now own your own piece of my art that you help put together.

I am always on the look out for ways that I can share my abilities and knowledge by helping other folks experience making something. These projects are intended to do just that.

The illustrations are created specifically for this series, and can be printed as many times as you like (good for classes and groups). You will need Acrobat Reader, available here, and a color printer. You can use any weight paper you want, but I use a paper heavier than text, but not quite card stock.

Our first project in this series is Owlbert in green. He is a cute little owl who looks great on bulletin boards and is quite at home of fridges as well. My daughter and I used a glue stick to put him together, but you could use double-sided foam tap to give his parts a little more separation. It's a pretty straightforward project: Just cut Owlbert's parts out, and glue him together according to the little line drawing on your printout.

Click here to download the Owlbert PDF.

Your luxury accommodations await...

Spiders and ants included. A week-long stint in the foothills of North Carolina can be yours for free if you'll just take responsibility for 17 kids.

I highly recommend it. You will learn things about yourself, and you will learn things about those kids. And because there are 630+ other kids attending, you will learn a bit about crowds and personal space as well.

You will learn that, in general, rural folk and city folk approach kid control differently. If you are city folk, you may feel a bit ineffectual, like a bit of a weak egghead if you share your campsite with another group that hails from the country, even if that country is only about 25 miles from the heart of your city.

With a rural inflection, a simple but quietly spoken "Boy. What are you doin'?" stops all foolishness, and a "Put that out. Don't do it again." keeps the foolishness from happening again. In the event that it doesn't squash the foolishness, a good long stare from the adult usually does.

In contrast, the city egghead version goes something like this (paraphrased with the hidden meaning of what is actually said added by me):

Adult: "(Insert kid's name here), why are you doing that? Don't do that! It's dangerous!"

Kid: "Well, I'm not doing exactly that. I'm doing a slight variation of that, that's just different enough that you telling me to stop does not exactly apply. So I can continue to do it."

Adult: "Well, I don't agree that what you are doing is significantly different from what I have told you to stop doing, but just the same, the fact that I have told to stop doing something should be enough to make you stop doing whatever it is you are doing."

Kid: (Either evasive silence, or repeated contention that they weren't doing exactly what they were told to stop doing)

And... Scene.

Whenever I attend camping related events that throw together different parenting styles, I inevitably end up feeling a bit ineffective. As much as I want my kids and any kids for which I am responsible to mind what I say, I really don't want them to do so because they are afraid of me.

One of our kids went up to one of those well-minded leaders, the ones that can control their kids with a look and few words. Our kid said, "Wanna see a card trick?" as he held up a deck of cards. The very leader, who all week had been there on the periphery of my vision, as I parented and led my group; Who I felt watching, whether he was or not; Who I thought was probably judging my control over my group, and finding it lacking. He says, "You mean, Poof! You're a pile of sh*t?"

That guy probably learned nothing that week, but he was part of my lesson learned. What else did I learn? Of what else was I reminded?

Well, the kid I worried about was better than expected, to a point. So I learned that even people I have given up on will surprise me. I learned that if an 11-year old can handle everything he brought with him getting absolutely soaked in a rainstorm with an unflappability you don't see in a lot of adults then I can handle things a lot more calmly myself. I was reminded that not letting yourself get overwhelmed has a lot to do with how much you choose to let things overwhelm you. And as much as I enjoyed my week in the woods, I was reminded that I really just love being home.