Thursday, April 09, 2009

And all the obstacles will disappear...

I have to say, again, that these last few weeks in our current home are dragging. I knew they would. Maybe I should have told myself they would fly by. Maybe by "knowing" that they would drag, I am making them drag. I fully believe it is our perceptions that define situations more so than the reality of those situations.

I think this is a test to see how well I can live in the present, rather than that magical future several weeks away. I keep telling myself, once we get into the new house, I'll have help in the Etsy shops. I'll be able to stay on top of so many things that I can't right now. I am so telling myself that once this thing happens, everything will be right in my world.

How's that for setting myself up for a let down? Certain things will have the potential to be much better. The shops ought to be better managed with two people putting their efforts toward that goal. Makes sense. But there will also be a 4-year old interjecting herself into the process, and if I don't just accept that as part of the new way of life, I'm bound to be disappointed each time it happens.

One thing I know will be different: I will have more time to create new art. Okay... I don't know that. And really, I know from experience that every time in the past when I have thought that a change being made would lead to more creative time, it has not panned out. But I am hopeful anyway.

Hopeful is good, right? As long as I don't base my happiness on any of these positive changes I expect to happen actually happening. It's hard not to do that, but I have to be okay with the positive changes not taking place, too.

One of the things I learned over the last two years was not to judge situations. If you judge a situation as bad, it will be bad. If you judge it to be an obstacle to what you really want, it will be an obstacle. Saying I have learned it and actually practicing it all the time are two different things. Many times I have lamented our current living situation. Too small, too noisy. No room for a home studio. Etc., etc. But there have been many good things about it as well.

I have seen that living situation as the biggest obstacle to taking the next step, to taking my business to the next level. But I have also seen it as the very thing that has made taking that next step possible. It has been both, depending on how I felt each day.

Now, after 3 years of waiting, this situation that I struggle not to judge each day will finally change. If I can just make it through the next few weeks. I'd like to imagine that the new situation will be so great that I won't feel compelled to judge it on a daily basis, that when we sign those papers, get those keys and set foot in our new home, all obstacles to what we want from life will disappear. But that's judging the situation. Instead, I need to accept that no matter what the situation, even if it seems an interminably long wait or new living arrangements that don't live up to my lofty expectations, that is exactly where we are supposed to be. And all the obstacles will disappear.

1 comment:

Pattern and Perspective said...

I do the same, set myself up for a let down. I think people do that in order to not get too worked up about something that could prove an awesome change or whatever...but sometimes, as humans, we all know things don't work out that way. I'm sure you'll be fine and you'll get through these last few wseeks okay. You're an artist, just take a trip to an imaginary world until the time comes (3/4 weeks) to emerge back into the real one.